The Christmas Vigil
A dedication to anyone who has waited too long for their partner to come home from the annual Christmas party. Cheers!
Dear Lord, I am glad that you sent me a man
Who would answer the prayers of the worthy St Anne.
And sure if he indulges himself once a year
It’s because it is Christmas ―the season of cheer.
And I don’t mind a bit that the party is staff
‘Cause it’s just for a jar―and a bit of a laugh.
He is lucky, dear Lord, with a spouse who believes
That only another wife’s husband deceives.
I do not begrudge him a night on the tiles
He is well immunised against Feminine Wiles.
And like Cinderella he’s flit from the ball
When the booming of midnight brings total recall.
The clock struck the hour, the witches have flown.
Will you tell me, dear Lord, why he isn’t home.
Are the taxies on strike―is the night link postponing?
Has his battery died and prevented him phoning?
Dear Lord! He’s on Facebook with Sue from Accounts
The one with the botox and implants that bounce
They’re dancing on tables and taking a selfie
He’s swinging as high as a bell in a belfry.
He’s wearing a jumper with reindeers that glow
A red hat with tassels and shouting, “Ho! Ho!”
They’re doing the salsa, some zumba and jive
There’s smoke coming from my computer’s hard drive.
Now Lisa from Claims is wearing his jumper
Since when did his stomach become so much plumper?
Since when did he change from his favourite tipple
To drinking Mojito and Slippery Nipple?
He’s forgotten the kids ―and the mortgage is blown.
The Property Tax out the back door has flown.
The Troika has gone but Austerity rules
That we must be prudent ‘round turkey and booze.
My whip’s at the ready―forget Shades of Grey
With these fifty lashes his buttocks I’ll flay.
He’ll sleep on the sofa and forever atone
For the night he invaded the Temple Bar zone.
Dear Lord, I am sad that you sent me a man
Who has brought a blush to the face of St Anne.
A rooster is crowing―he’s proclaiming the day
But it seems there is more than one rooster at play.